Jason was my first born. I was a very young 21 year old, married to an engineer and very excited about our baby on the way. The way one is about the release of a long awaited movie. I had no concept of what was about to happen to me.
Labor was much, much harder than I had been led to believe by my idealistic doctor (who, by the way, was a man - what did he know?) 14 hours, but 4 of them were pushing. Turns out I had a very large baby - 10 lbs., 1/2 ounce. He was whisked away from me almost before I got to see what he looked like. Jaundice, low blood sugar, a spot on his lungs - these were all things that we faced right away. I was so out of it, and so delighted to be DONE that I didn't miss him yet. Then they let me see him in his warming bed later that day. I've had almost 28 years to think about that moment, and I can't really define the emotional transformation that happened then. I do know it can't be over-stated. Unconditional love, deep and permanent. I was profoundly changed and felt different than I ever had before. That change doesn't go away, no matter what.
