I spend a lot of time crying. I do it by myself. Most people (until now) don't even know I do it.
Am I embarrased? Why should I be embarrased by tears for my first born child? Why?
But I am. I make people uncomfortable. When I tear up, I see the panic in their faces. It doesn't matter who they are - close friends, family, aquaintances. I learned quickly that it wasn't a good idea to let others know that I am NOT over "it".
Perhaps I am not being fair. Most people have no idea what it is like to loose a child. It's every parents worst nightmare. Of course it is; it's my worst nightmare.
